She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Blow job season was short but glorious.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
