party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize