More tranny stories later!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
