All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
