About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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