Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
