I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
