dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
