I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
