Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
