i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
