i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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