im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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