Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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