either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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