I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
