Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
