so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
