my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
