Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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