This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
