wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize