I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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