and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
