woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
