Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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