Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
