I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
