I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
