The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
