i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I want a musical about memes.
You are a genius and a whore.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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