I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
