How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
