i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
