smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
