paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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