so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
the raccoons are back...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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