the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
