i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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