Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
