I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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