Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
