Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
