Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
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It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
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We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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