508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
