I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
