So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
