Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
