she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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