Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
