Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
