I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
