I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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