He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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