I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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