his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
