I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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