problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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