Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's never too late to be topless.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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