I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
