there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
did i walk over a car last night?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
