I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
