so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
