i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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