Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's blow job season.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
