I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
