My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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